


Always The Bridesmaid, Never The Bride

by Toothlessturtle21



Category: Lego Ninjago
Genre: AlloAro! Lloyd, Amnesia, AroAce! Zane, Aromantic, Asexual Character, Coming Out, Gay! Cole, Gen, Headcanon, Identity Issues, Questioning, Sex Repulsed Zane
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:08:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25325911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toothlessturtle21/pseuds/Toothlessturtle21
Summary: Even from his first moments in the village, Zane knew something wasn't quite right in how he saw the world.---A few snapshots into Zane's journey of figuring out his identity, and how his teammates help him along the way.
Relationships: Nya/Jay Walker (background)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 59





	Always The Bridesmaid, Never The Bride

**Author's Note:**

> As an aromantic person myself, I demand more representation, even if I have to write it myself, damn it!

It was in the village when Zane realized something wasn't right. He had been helping some of the more elderly residents move firewood into their homes, the large logs often heavier than their fragile bones could lift. He piled the wood with a smile, and one couple returned it with pleasure. Zane noticed how they held hands, fingers gently interlocked with each other, despite them standing still. Puzzled, he peered at them.

"Why do you hold onto each other? There is no danger of you being separated, so what is the point of reassuring yourself of the other's presence?"

The pair returned his quizzical gaze, surprised by the question.

"There doesn't have to be a reason, Zane," The man replied, and his wife nodded. "It's just because we care about each other, is all. It's not for survival or anything like that."

"So you hold hands as a sign of affection?"

"Yup, it's how you show you care for another person, or at least one way to," The woman added on, and Zane nodded slowly, still taking in the information presented.

"Oh," The blonde stated simply, blinking once before returning to his work. "Thank you for indulging me. I shall continue moving your wood."

"Anytime, Zane," The man smiled sadly, although the younger didn't quite understand why.

* * *

A little while later, he was sitting in the snow, drinking a mug of tea next to some of the village's younger residents. The oldest of the group was in her late teens, and the two sat together while the younger children played in front of them, screeching and laughing all the while. Out of all the people in the village, Zane considered her the closest to a friend he had, appreciating her company in an otherwise busy world. He could tell that she kept glancing at him out of the corner of his eye, but he thought nothing of it and continued to watch the children play with a small, content smile on his face.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity of tension building between them, she spoke.

"Hey, Zane," She got his attention, and he turned his head, giving a hum of acknowledgement. "Do you, uh, wanna get lunch this Saturday?"

"Of course, is anyone else coming along? I'm sure a few of the younger ones would love a chance to spend time with us."

She looked taken aback, and Zane glanced around nervously.

"Did- did I say something wrong?"

"If you didn't want to, you could've just said no," She answered, almost dejectedly, and slunk back into the snow, Zane's mind spinning.

"I don't understand, what did I say?"

"Kids don't usually come along on a date, Zane."

"A- a date?" Now the blonde was even more confused, and the girl seemed to soften a little.

"Wait, do you not know what a date is?"

"I'm afraid not," He shook his head, feeling terrible for offending her, even though he had no idea what he did.

"It's when two people that like each other do something together, just the two of them."

"Then isn't that what we're doing right now?"

She exhaled a laugh, although her smile was a little strained.

"No, like each other as in romantically. But I'm guessing from this conversation that you don't know what that is either."

"No, I'm afraid not. My apologies, I didn't mean to upset you."

"Don't worry about it, big guy. I shouldn't have been so harsh on you anyway."

Although their day continued as normal, Zane couldn't help but feel as though he was missing something, thoughts tumbling as he thought of the hurt reaction she had when he didn't reciprocate her intentions.

* * *

Watching Jay and Nya interact was... strange. They seemed to almost be engaged in a complicated dance, every other word a tease, a joke, or a jab, that for some unknown reason made Kai annoyed. One day, after a particular conversation left Kai fuming once more, Zane decided to investigate further.

"Why are you upset?" He asked point blank, cornering Kai while he was sitting outside of the monastery trying to calm down.

"What?" Kai narrowed his eyes in irritation, although he knew that Zane didn't mean any harm.

"You seem to become aggravated when Nya converses with Jay, but not with Cole or me," The Ice Ninja sat next to his fiery friend, and Kai just stared. "Do you not like it when Jay pokes fun at her? If so, I can help you ask him to stop-"

"No, no," Kai shook his head, partially in disbelief. "Zane, buddy, they're flirting with each other."

"Flirting?"

"Yeah, like when someone's into someone else, they flirt. Do you really not know what that is?"

"Obviously not," Zane bit back a little, frustrated in his inability to understand.

"Um, you remember how when Jay learned we were rescuing my sister, he asked if she was cute?"

"Of course," The blonde nodded, the events of the day still quite clear in his head. "You seemed quite irritated."

"Yeah, I was. Still kinda am," Kai shrugged. "Jay's not exactly subtle about liking her."

"But I like Nya too, it's hard not to," Zane pointed out, almost offended, and Kai flinched before remembering who he was talking to.

"No, _like_ like her."

"I'm afraid I'm not following."

"I don't really know how to explain this kind of thing, most people just _know_ , y'know?"

"No, I don't."

Kai stared at his friend for a few moments, unsure of exactly how to proceed.

"Have you ever had a crush?"

"I'm afraid I don't know what you mean," Zane said glumly, the cycle of confusion not a stranger to him by this point in his life.

Kai, once again, stared him down, and then sighed at how direct he would have to be.

"Have you ever wanted to kiss someone, Zane?"

"No," Zane shook his head, relieved that he finally understood something Kai had said, even if it was just from reading a book someone had left lying around.

"Well, that's kinda what a crush is. You want to do stuff like kiss them, cuddle with them, uh, usually do the do," The Fire Ninja coughed into his fist a little, and Zane titled his head.

"The do?"

"Okay, I cross the line at teaching you about sex," Kai said dryly, and Zane turned his eyes downwards. "But yeah, I don't really know how to explain it, you just kinda feel it. And you might not be into that stuff, and that's totally fine. I'm just more surprised that you haven't heard of any of this stuff."

"Maybe I did, I don't know," Zane said more quietly, and Kai suddenly felt bad for highlighting a sore spot. Zane didn't have too many weaknesses, but being reminded of his amnesia was one of them. "Who knows? Maybe I left a family behind, or even a partner as you describe. Maybe I've just forgotten how to love."

The Fire Ninja shifted awkwardly on his feet, reaching out to place a gentle hand on his friend's shoulder.

"Even if you never find romantic love, you can always love your friends," Kai tried to reassure, but Zane just continued looking miserable. "Sorry, didn't mean to upset you."

"I appreciate the effort," Zane answered, and he knew that at least that part was true. "Maybe one day I will understand, thank you."

* * *

The night after his memory switch was flipped, Zane sat on his bed, his eyes focused on the floor, unmoving. The team had decided to give him some space to sort himself out, since with his recovered memories came new emotions.

Namely love. Or, well, more specifically, the lack thereof. His father had taught him about it, showed him books with people in love, and played love songs for him on his record, but he had never experienced himself. Of course he loved his father, and even his friends, but enough to ever be in a relationship?

He frowned to himself, and decided to go seek out Kai, who had started this whole emotional turmoil in the first place. He found the Fire Ninja sitting on the deck, lazily scrolling through his phone with mild interest.

"Hello," Zane greeted, and Kai started, fumbling his phone for a second before returning the sentiment.

"Uh, hi, how're you doing?" The Fire Ninja asked tentatively, not sure how emotionally fragile the android was. Zane just shrugged, settling down next to Kai as the cool wind swirled around them.

"I am unsure," Zane admitted, and Kai waited to let him continue at his own pace. "Do you remember the conversation we had about love a while ago?"

Kai nodded, grimacing at his own words that had stuck with him.

"You said that I may have forgotten how to love. In fact, I don't know if I ever knew how to in the first place," The android sighed deeply, seeming to fold in on himself as he admitted this fact, and Kai hummed in sympathy. "I know of love, and of kissing and hand-holding and all romantic gestures, but they feel empty."

"Well, you don't _need_ anyone," The Fire Ninja stated, and Zane tilted his head. "It's ok to not want a relationship. It's just not the norm, really."

"But that's the crux of the issue, I do believe emotional closeness to another being would be pleasurable, I just don't think I can," Zane explained, and Kai reached an arm over and wrapped it around Zane's shoulders.

"Well, who said it had to be romantic? What about your friends? You call us your brothers already, and I'm assuming you aren't interested in sex."

As soon as Kai said it, Zane wrinkled his nose in distaste, and the Fire Ninja laughed.

"It looks like you remembered what sex is, at least."

"It's just so... _unclean_. I don't understand."

"Ha, yeah. Luckily you couldn't have kids anyway, so it's not like you're missing out."

Zane scoffed, and looked at Kai with a new balance in his eyes.

"Thank you, Kai. You have helped me greatly."

"No problem, dude, anytime."

* * *

"Never have I ever... _kissed anyone_!" Lloyd shouted out excitedly, and Jay and Nya glanced at each other before putting a finger down, earning a glare from Kai and a snicker from Cole, even as their fingers lowered as well. Zane grinned, and high fived Lloyd in the middle of the circle.

"No fair, you two have just been throwing out romance stuff all night!" Jay gestured to the two, and the duo shrugged.

"It's called an alliance, Jay. Power lies in numbers."

"Yeah, suck it, Zaptrap."

Jay grumbled, but the game continued.

"Never have I ever stolen candy!"

" _Not fair!"_

"Never have I ever eaten a whole cake."

"Never have I ever played videogames for five hours straight."

Finally, the game circled back to Zane, whose one finger up was only rivaled by Jay's one. With a smile, he glanced between Jay and Kai, Zane decided that a 'truth bomb', as they were called, was an appropraite way to end the game.

"Never have I ever had sexual intercourse."

With a roar from everyone else in the circle, Zane had won the right to not do any chores for the next week, Lloyd fist bumping his alliance member on the way out.

* * *

Zane sat on the couch watching a movie alongside Jay and Nya, the latter cuddled up close to the former. The android was a good few feet away, awkwardly sitting stiffly near the arm, afraid to interrupt the two. However, he kept glancing over at them. What was it about specifically romantic attraction that made people want to cuddle? He enjoyed being close to his friends, even if it wasn't specifically romantically, he just-

Jay must've noticed his internal rant, because he shifted to look more at Zane, sizing him up before giving him a soft smile. He took the arm that wasn't actively around Nya and extended it outwards, an invitation to join. Zane just stared.

"Do you want me to...?"

A silent nod. Zane's mouth quirked before he slid over, letting Jay wrap the arm around his midsection as the Lightning Ninja leaned on him, his shoulder being used as a makeshift pillow. Zane blinked and relaxed into the embrace, focusing more on the warmness of Jay's skin compared to his own than the actual movie itself.

* * *

A few weeks later, Zane sat slowly stroking Jay's back as the boy cried into his shoulder, Nya having told him that she "needed a break" only an hour ago. Jay had fled to Zane's room to cry, feeling safe in the android's protective grasp. Although he didn't quite understand the meaning behind the words, what he did understand was that his brother was upset, and was patiently waiting until the sobs died down to mere sniffles to ask what the situation really was. Once Jay's breaths calmed down to shudders, Zane pulled back from the hug.

"What did she mean by 'take a break'? Are you two no longer together?"

Jay cringed, but shook his head.

"N- no. She just said she needed space that she couldn't get while in a relationship with me, so we're taking a break. She still likes me, at least I think, but she just wants to breathe."

Zane was about to ask why she couldn't respire normally, but bit his tongue.

"Would you mind if I went and talked to her?"

"About what?" Jay asked only a little incredulously, trusting that the android didn't have any interest in her but confused nonetheless.

"I want to understand how someone can still be interested in another but want to be apart regardless."

"I mean, sure, if you want," Jay shrugged glumly, and sank down onto the bed. "D'you mind if I stay in here though? Less memories attached, if you know what I mean."

Zane nodded and went towards the door.

"Take as long as you need, Jay. I assume I will be back shortly."

The door clicked shut softly behind him as he sought out the only female on the ship, and found her in the workshop, tinkering on her latest project. Her seeming unaffectedness came off as callous to the Ice Ninja, but he knocked anyway, making her look up from her work.

"Hi Zane, what's up?"

"I just wanted to ask you how much you care for Jay."

Her face immediately darkened, and Zane was morbidly pleased to see regret dancing behind her eyes.

"I care for him a lot, Zane, I just can't deal with a relationship right now."

"And why is that?"

"I feel like I'm being stifled," She explained, pleasantly surprised that Zane's tone wasn't aggressive, more curious than anything else. "He's a great guy, but between all of the constant affection and praise and compliments, I feel like I'm suffocating. And I told him that, too, I'm not just saying this to you."

"When did you explain this to him?"

"Well, I told him when I said we should take a break," Her fingers twitched, eager to pick her work up once more. "He seemed to take it pretty well, but judging by the fact you're here I seem to be mistaken."

"From what he said as he was crying," He began, and Nya flinched at the bluntness. "He believes that the root of your schism is that he was too attached to you. If this clinginess bothered you as so beforehand, why not ask him to lessen his affections?"

"Because it's just who he is, it'd be like asking you to start using more slang, it's just not in your nature."

"How do you know?"

"I just do," She was getting irritated now. "At least, I should, after dating him for so long."

"Perhaps there is still more to learn," Zane said softly, sensing the aggravation building. "Part of a relationship is teaching each other, yes? Perhaps, as Sensei says, this is a teaching moment for both of you."

Nya blinked before sighing heavily, resting her chin on her hand.

"Y'know Zane, for someone that's never been with someone, you know this stuff pretty well."

"Thank you, I try to be as knowledgeable as possible. Now, I can assist you in speaking with Jay now, or you can wait if you would like. I will not pressure you either way."

"Maybe in a bit, I just want to let it stew for a bit, yeah?" She gave Zane a small smile, and the Ice Ninja nodded.

"Very well, do you want me to inform him as such?"

"Sure. And thanks a bunch, man. You're a real help."

"My pleasure, Nya."

* * *

Surprisingly, it was Cole that gave Zane a word for his feelings. He was sitting with the Earth Ninja on the roof of the Bounty one night, the sun just barely beginning to set over the horizon when Cole tentatively cleared his throat.

"Hey, uh, Zane, I have something to say."

"Yes, what is it?" Zane cocked his head, possible scenarios flooding his head.

"I'm gay."

"Is that all?" Zane asked, and Cole blinked in surprise.

"I mean, yeah. What else were you expecting?"

"I'm not sure. I suppose I never thought the genders of one's attraction as something to be dwelled upon. But I do thank you for having the trust in me to confess to me, I appreciate the sentiment."

"Your reaction wasn't quite what I was expecting, but no problem, bud," Cole smiled before a thought popped into his head. "What about you? I mean, you've never talked about men or women or anyone in-between, so I'm just curious. No pressure, of course."

"I don't believe I want anyway. I have never desired a relationship in the romantic sense, and do not believe I ever will."

"So aromantic then?"

Zane raised an eyebrow, the word unfamiliar to him.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Yeah, aromantic, like you don't feel romantic attraction."

"I mean, I don't, but there's a word for that?"

"Of course! Do you feel attracted to people sexually?"

" _Definitely_ not."

"Then probably asexual too," Cole pointed out, and Zane seemed to ponder the words, resting his head on his hand.

"You make it sound like I am not the only one."

"Course not, there're plenty of people online. In fact, I'm pretty sure Lloyd threw the word around a bit ago, you can probably talk to him."

"Perhaps I will," Zane pondered, before looking at Cole and smiling earnestly. "Thank you for your feedback. Your future boyfriend will be very lucky to have you."

The Earth Ninja blushed before letting out a small laugh, patting Zane on the back.

"Thanks man, anytime."

And with that, the two sat alone once more, simply basking in the glow of confessions gone well, watching the sun set peacefully below the horizon.


End file.
